Survive The Affair

How To Get Rid Of Negative Thoughts After An Affair

Negative Thoughts After AffairWhen you have been cheated on, you may start to feel like you are losing your mind. Your thoughts may get out of control to the point where it is starting to drive your crazy. This is completely normal because you have suffered an emotional blow by finding out that the person you trusted has lied to you and cheated on you. It is natural to get overrun by negative thoughts that cause you to be tired, miserable, and unhappy.

You were most likely not expecting it when you found about the affair, so you still need time to process it and the effects it has on your relationship. This article will discuss some coping methods that will help you regain control of your thoughts and push out all the negativity from your mind.

Have Negative Thoughts Taken Control?

Part of what has your thoughts so out of control is the questions that are running through your mind. You probably want to know why your spouse cheated on you, who he or she cheated with, and why they were attracted to this other person. You probably are trying to figure out when exactly it happened and how it was possible not to have known about it when it was going on right under your nose.

It is hard to ever know what is the truth anymore, and your mind is filled with doubt and negative thoughts. You may feel as though you are not sexy enough to your spouse, and that is why he or she had an affair. You may blame yourself for spending to much time at work building up your career. Perhaps you put your kids first ahead of your marriage, and you feel this is to blame. You may feel that the person your spouse cheated with is probably much better company than you and you have nothing to offer.

All these negative thoughts are paralyzing and can really take a strong hold on you. All of a sudden, the affair controls all your thoughts and brings all this negativity that you did not have to deal with before.You did not bring it on yourself, but it is the reality of the situation. The good news is that it does not have to become a permanent reality.

How to Break Your Negative Thought Patterns

The more you think about the details of the infidelity, the more these negative thought patterns take over. You may begin questioning things obsessively until it consumes you entirely. This inner turmoil can cause you to feel powerless and damage your self-esteem.

At a certain point, all the negative thought patters start to become a habit. But the good news is that habits can be broken. Here are some tips on how to break your negative thought patterns.

Step 1: Affirm to Yourself that Your Mind is Your Own Territory

At first, it can feel as thought the negative thoughts are happening to you, and not created by you. This explains why you feel so powerless to stop it. You must take back control of your mind. Only you allow what can and cannot enter your mind. Say out loud that your mind is your territory, write it down, and repeat it whenever you feel the negativity coming in. Make this affirmation until you start to believe that you are in control again.

Step 2: Examine Your Thoughts

Your negative thoughts about the affair have become a pattern, but now it is time to look at what specifically these negative thoughts consist of. Which nagging questions or images haunt you the most? What thoughts play out again and again? The best way to do this is to get a journal and write down what you come up with. When you write the thoughts down and see them objectively, they will start to lose their power and the hold they have over you.

Step 3: Get Rid of Your Negative Thought Patterns

Once you have examined your thoughts, try to think of some ways to push them out of your head. There is no right way to do this and there may be many solutions depending on who you are. Here is an example of how to come up with a method to get rid of your negative thoughts. If you observe that your negative thoughts happen at a particular time of day, when you are doing something in particular, you can use this to change the way you think in that situation.

For example, if you find yourself always thinking about the affair when you are driving to work and listening to talk radio, change the scenario. Turn on some music instead of the talk radio and sing along. Come up with any method you can to distract yourself from thinking about the affair at this time, and change up your drive to work so you stop associating it with you negative thought patterns.

Although it can feel like you are not in control of your thoughts, you are actually always able to regain control of your mind. When the habit of negative thoughts forms, it can take time to break it, but it is totally possible. By affirming to yourself that you are capable of changing negative thoughts, you will feel in control again and gain a new sense of power. Your negative thoughts will slowly fade away and become a thing of the past.

Please share your experience with negative thought patterns by leaving a comment below. What kind of thoughts did you have after finding out about the affair? How did these thoughts affect your quality of life? Were there triggers that set off these thoughts? Did you take steps to take back control of your mind, and what steps did you take? How did it make you feel to take back control?

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Comments

  1. Mike says:

    My wife had an affair and they used to text for several hours all day long while I was at work. When I have negative thoughts or feelings coming on, I try to short circuit them by sending her texts about something I love or like about her. This way it forces me to think about something positive and at the same time makes a connection point with her during the day to give her the attention she was seeking.

  2. OD@Time says:

    My negative thoughts swirl around: 1) my conviction that the relationship, emotional and/or physical continues, 2) it’s a threat, and 3) my balance is off until “normality” resumes.

  3. Angela says:

    My husband had an affair 12 yrs ago, we got past that. but I was told today by him that he had another one with a co worker. How do i get over this/ Been married 20 yrs and he has had 2 affairs.

  4. nikki says:

    My husband of 13 years had an affair with a coworker. It was an emotional affair with supposedly nothing more than a few kisses. But the texts I found were him telling her I wasn’t his soul mate and an in depth description of their kisses which of course are the same way he used to kiss me. Now every time he tries to kiss me I can see and feel the way he kissed her! PLEASE HELP ME MAKE IT STOP

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