Learning how to manage such difficult emotions is key to surviving infidelity.

Powerful emotions such as anger, sadness, confusion, anxiety are all part of the cheating mix. How will you manage those emotions.

Over this next week, we’ll be looking in detail at some of those emotions and suggesting how you might best cope with them.

One of the greatest means of giving to yourself is to be grateful. Yes, yes, I know you might not feel grateful for anything right now, but you must dig deep and find some things you are grateful for, because gratitude is essential to our well-being.

As you cultivate gratitude you will experience life with some feelings of love, and of caring. This will in turn help you heal some of the pains of infidelity.

Even at such times of immense pain you might like to reflect on the fact that you have friends and family that are supporting you. Are you grateful for this support?

In another section of this website, we have discussed the merits of doing some walking. If you haven’t started doing some walking, then now is the time to start.

As you go for you daily walk, say some gratitude affirmations quietly, but aloud, to yourself. Say things like:

• I am grateful for this very day.
• I am grateful for my health
• I am grateful for my family.
• I am grateful for my friends.

Dig for the things that you are grateful for, and affirm them.

Some days it may be hard, you may not feel grateful for anything, but once you start, it will build. Even if you don’t feel the things you are grateful for, just keep making those affirmations anyway.

The Language Of Choice For Infidelity Support

Choose what you say to yourself with great care. Your unconscious mind is always listening and ready to obey. If it hears ‘I’m a born loser it will set about making you one.

Conversely, confident people use massively empowering dialogue to move them along. Let’s take a look at two different sentences to demonstrate the point:

‘I’m really looking forward to giving the best man’s speech; I know nearly all the guests and it will be a real pleasure to spend that time with them’.

And

‘I’m absolutely terrified about the best man’s speech; I know nearly everyone and if I make a mistake they’ll be taunting me about it for years’.

What I find interesting is that I don’t have to tell you which is the more resourceful language. You already know. But despite the obviously debilitating nature of the second sentence, that’s what most of us choose.

We’re already in the process of changing that. So let’s take a closer look and bring about yet more resourceful language that will genuinely alter the way we think and feel about ourselves.

Throughout the next few days I would like you to observe some of the things that you say to yourself. In particular, the stuff that isn’t encouraging or helpful. As you hear some of the disparaging comments, I would like you to completely turn them around.

So, if you hear ‘I’ll never get over this infidelity’. I would like you to change it to ‘I will get over this infidelity, and I will be stronger on the other side.’

If you hear ‘I’m useless at that kind of stuff’. Turn it into ‘I’m brilliant at that kind of stuff’.

If you hear ‘I hate exercise’. Change it to ‘I love exercise’.

You’ll be amazed at how quickly you can turn this stuff around. In as little as a week you will notice your mind and body working in more harmony. You see, as the internal dialogue improves, the external physiology does too. And that is hugely important in how others perceive you.

A study in the 1970’s revealed that physiology accounted for 55% of communication, next came tonality at 38%, and finally, words at 5%.

The next time you look at someone who you perceive as confident, look at their body language and see if you can adopt some of it. I’ve noticed that confident people seldom seem hurried or unduly stressed. There’s a relaxed appearance to their entire physiology, and yet they’re alert at the same time.

For those of you who are aware of Richard Branson, you could do a lot worse than to study his body language. For someone running a billion-pound empire he often looks as though he’s running a corner shop. What kind of dialogue does Richard Branson use to speak to himself? When he launched Virgin Airlines do you think he was saying things to himself like ‘You could lose your shirt on this one, Richard’. No, it’s very unlikely that Mr. Branson ever heard that kind of language in his life. And that’s largely down to the programmes that he’s running unconsciously.

Your relationship has probably just been shattered into thousands of pieces by infidelity. When it happened, who with, how etc, will be the many questions you will be asking.

Your mind will be very fragmented and the effects of such fragmentation will be very painful indeed. When the mind is unified and our energy is focused then we naturally feel better.

It’s true, that in the early stages of discovering the infidelity, you may find it very difficult to meditate. You may find that it’s easier to just listen to our hypnotherapy recording.

However, as the intital shock of the infidelity eases down, you will be able to practice some meditation. If you’ve never tried meditation before there are some guidelines below that will show you exactly how. Relationships can be extraordinarily complex at such times as these, and the simplicity of meditation can be tremendously beneficial to you.

The two meditation practices laid out below, have been used for centuries by Buddhists. They are: The Mindfulness of Breathing, and The Metta Bhavna.

Aim for at least twenty minutes to begin with, and increase that over time.

Meditation No.1. The Mindfulness of Breathing

You can sit on the floor in the lotus position if you like, or sit on a chair with a straight back. There are meditation stools that you can buy, or you could use meditation cushions. Whatever you choose, make yourself comfortable. Some people choose to wrap a blanket around them (lower body) because your temperature will drop as the heart rate slows.

1. Begin by closing your eyes and get each part of your body to relax. You can start with your head, and slowly work your way down to your toes.
2. As you breathe in and breathe out, follow the breath all the way as it moves through your body. After a cycle of a breath in and breath out, count 1 silently to yourself.
3. After the next cycle count 2, then 3, all the way up to 10, and then begin from 1 again.
4. If you get lost that’s ok. Just start from 1 again.

After approximately 5 minutes you reverse the procedure.

1. You begin by counting 1 then breathe in and breathe out. Then you count 2 and breathe in and breathe out. Same as before you will count up to 10.
2. After another 5 minutes you can stop counting and just watch the breath moving all the way through your body.
3. After another 5 minutes focus on the breath entering and exiting the nostril. Keep focused on just the edge of your nostril.
4. After another 5 minutes you can slowly open your eyes. Obviously, don’t jump up and start running around everywhere as soon as you’ve finished. Give yourself a few minutes to adjust and acclimatise back to normal.

You may well find this second meditation quite hard to do under your present circumstances. Infidelity relationships bring immense challenges for you to overcome. However, this particular meditation may help you find your heart again, and it may well reduce the levels of your anger. Too, although it may not feel like it at the time, it will help to develop kindness toward yourself.

Meditation No.2 Metta Bhavna – (Meditation of loving kindness)

Begin by using the same procedures as above. E.g. position yourself comfortably, close your eyes, and relax all your body parts.

1. Then say to your self ‘May I be happy, may I be well’.You can change this to whatever you like as long as the meaning is roughly the same. E.g. ‘May I be content and joyful’. Or ‘May I be fulfilled and calm’.
2. After approximately five minutes, change your thoughts to kindness for a friend. Ideally it should be someone that you have no romantic attachment to. This applies to every stage of this meditation.
3. Now you can say ‘May (your friends name here) be happy and well’. Or ‘May (your friends name here) be content and joyful’.
4. After approximately five minutes change your thoughts toward someone you don’t know very well. It might be a shopkeeper or someone that you see on the street regularly. Use the same/similar phrases as above. E.g. ‘May they be happy and well’.
5. After another five minutes shift you thoughts toward someone you don’t like. It could be someone that you even consider an enemy. Use the same procedures as above. E.g. ‘May ‘whoever’ be happy and well’.

In the next phase you should imagine all the people you have been thinking of and bring them all together. Feel the same level of kindness towards each of them.

Then think of all the people who live close to you and include them. ‘May they be happy to’. Extend your thoughts of loving kindness toward everyone who lives in your town and/or city, then your entire country, then other countries.

Extend these feelings towards animals and insects and in fact everything that has a life force. Beyond this you may like to consider beings that live on other planets (in view of how big the universe is, most scientists think it is virtually certain there is life elsewhere). May all life in the universe be happy and well.

Once again, when you open your eyes, take your time to adjust to your environment.

What do we mean when we say ’surviving infidelity?’.

Surviving infidelity means surviving the emotional, physical, and psychological states that a betrayed partner experiences through adultery.

In the early stages of discovering the betrayal, most people think it impossible to lead a normal life again. However, utilizing the advice and help of qualified counsellors make it completely attainable.

There are many states in the early stages that are overwhelming, so overwhelming that objectivity is in short supply. By calling upon the help and guidance of infidelity recovery specialists, such objectivity is slowly restored.

Overcoming an affair takes time, and the steps to recovery are often small, but the sum total of these small incremental steps leads to the major change.

Adultery is such a traumatic event that it would be most unwise to try and resolve the many problems by yourself. Yes, there is much that you will have to overcome personally, but there is some very good advice to point you in the right direction.

Overcoming an affair can mean surviving it with or without you partner. It’s totally about you, the betrayed, and how you will manage your life in the future.

Remember: Surviving infidelity is possible. Make it your goal, and take a small step today.

Although the various techniques and guides may not always deal specifically with infidelity, they are non the less extremely useful as you are recovering from the trauma of infidelity. Perhaps you will like one technique over another, and that is fine, for anything that offers you some small respite, and some degree of progress, will obviously be beneficial.

Throughout this site you will find links to infidelity recovery programs that are designed to specifically help you rebuild your relationship (if that is what you are doing), and will also provide more precise help with the infidelity itself. You may find the following technique a useful aid to your recovery.

What Is EFT?

EFT stands for emotional freedom techniques. It is a form of acupuncture but without the needles. Whereas acupuncture places needles in what are called meridians, EFT uses one’s fingers to gently tap on these various points.

To learn EFT is very easy, and you can learn and apply it to yourself very quickly without any professional help. In saying that, learning the correct procedure is of course important.

There are some who attest that EFT is a psuedo science. I don’t know, nor do I care, for I have used it myself and found it exceptionally beneficial. My best advice is to try it for yourself, and be your own judge.

Whilst you are recovering from infidelity you may find that this technique will really help you in lots of ways.

There are many good resources online to learn EFT, and the founder’s (Gary Craig) own site comes highly recommended. Gary Craig’s emofree.com will show you how it’s done, and lots more. There is a really brilliant video that can be viewed on the site, that shows some outstanding results achieved using EFT.

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. Dale Carnegie.

Beyond meeting strangers, there are the popular sites where communication with friends or lovers from the past is the central purpose. Friends Reunited created a platform for old school friends to get in touch with each other.

It is well documented that some of these communications became something more than a few laughs about the old days. Today, it is possible to locate just about anyone you may have known from the past, and millions of people are doing exactly that.

It’s easy, and it’s got all the potential of gunpowder, as old lovers light the blue-touch paper of licentious fireworks.

In days of yore, one may have held a few delicate sentiments about our ex lovers from decades ago. And there it stayed, locked in vault, with nothing more than an occasional romantic thought about what our yesteryear partners were up to.

These days, those thoughts and feelings have the potential to grow, and in some cases grow out of control.

It’s all so romantic. The way we were: young, vibrant, full of hope for the future. What happened to all that? Now it’s a mortgage, bills, kids, humdrum, and some hard, cold reality with responsibilities left and right. And then suddenly, out of nowhere, a blast from the past lands in the Inbox. A surge, and you’re suddenly twenty-one again, and all that went with those exciting years.

This is how it begins: an e-mail, a text, a phone call. Of course, the real danger is just how easy it will be to pick up the pieces from one’s past relationships. The ex-lovers have no need to fish around trying to find some common ground, it’s already there, and for the unguarded this is a quicksand in the waiting.

And thus the tragedy begins, born out of ignorance, selfishness, and need, the momentum gains and the quicksand pulls. Someone is going to get hurt. Someone is being betrayed. But it’s fun, and exciting, and the licentious couple just don’t care because they’re having a great time.

Naturally, the internet is only a facilitator in all of this, and one could argue that an affair would have started with or without it. Maybe. But there has never been a time when it has been so easy, so effortless, to communicate in secrecy, and more than this, to rekindle those old flames from the past.

“I love the originality of this recording.” Moira Blomfield – Hypnotherapist

And now what? How do you proceed? What strategies? What outcomes? Of course, you can’t be expected to be thinking with any real clarity. It’s difficult when your heart rate is racing, when you’re suffering from hyper tension, post traumatic shock, lack of sleep, and a host of other debilitating states associated with infidelity.

So, what’s the best help you could get? Maybe help will come in multiple forms rather than singular. Your friends and family, a counselor, books, hypnotherapy recordings, NLPue techniques, Emotional Freedom Techniques – there’s lots of stuff out there.

But just at the moment, perhaps you think that nothing will work. Maybe you’re suffering from depression, which is a common state experienced by a betrayed spouse. Come what may, help must be sought. You can’t get through this by yourself. Yes, there will come a time when it’s all up to you, but that is only one piece of the the big help puzzle.

What you will ultimately need is specialist help. Advice infidelity experts who have many years of experience in infidelity help. There are some people who have spent the greatest part of their lives offering help for overcoming the trauma of infidelity. Look at these books and learn about the people behind them. They’ve got decades of experience. What they don’t know about helping people recovering from infidelity is hardly worth knowing. That is what they specialize in. It’s their business, and they’re very good at what they do.

The key to a successful recovery resides in many areas, but your first step should be to seek out professional and qualified help.

“This recording is potentially a very useful tool in easing the many emotions that infidelity can bring up.” Joanne Adam – Master Hypnotherapist